Tracks, Kamloops, BC

I Love My Job...

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all . Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Jobs

The Coolest Jobs Ever:

1. The person who rolls out the red carpet for movie premiers.
2. Gift wrapper in the mall at Christmas time – think of all the weird things people buy for other people.
3. Cartoonist – to bad I’m not clever .
4. Human Statistics – who wouldn’t want to find out all the strange things people do and then to find out that more than 3 people like to wear red and pink at the same time!
5. Witness Relocation Story / Life Creator – being responsible for the background stories of other peoples’ “new” lives! How cool would that be!!

Worst Jobs I can think of:

1. Photo technician – I wouldn’t want to find out how many people try to print hinky pictures.
2. Potato Chip Quality Control – those people that stand on the conveyor belt and make sure that there aren’t any burnt potato chips going into the bag.
3. Journalist on the Bottom of the Totem Poll For Stories – I don’t even want to think about the pathetic stories those people are responsible for. Like stories on two headed fish…J
4. High School Math Teacher – How many kids actually want to be in Math 10?
5. Actor on a low budget film – A) They hired you because you’re not good enough to act with Brad Pitt. B) They expect you to do your scene in 1 take because the budget got blown on the make-up instead of the film. C) No one will buy the movie therefore you won’t get any money, which means you’d probably end up working the job you got before that…sorting other people’s junk at Value Village.

Google

Take a few seconds to do this, it will give you a chuckle.

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. click on "get directions"
7. scroll down to step #24

Friends

I love a good email. Especially when they come from your friends and they just happen to be all over the world. Janice (who’s last name also happens to be Wiens) is currently in Australia. She’s working with YWAM Perth doing a Surfing DTS. She’s awesome. Just when I think she may have drowned or got eaten by a shark, she emails me to let me know she’s alive and still having the time of her life. Ashley (who sings and is basically comparable to only the greatest singers of our time) is in Nairobi, Kenya. She is singing with the Continental Singers. They travel all over the United States singing and dancing for Christ. She just got to meet her sponsor child (something many of us will not the opportunity to do). I miss them a lot, but they always have the habit of sending emails just at the right time. Here is a picture of us that last time we were all together.

I'm kind of proud of it...

I know some people can do this way better, but I just learned how to today! I'm very proud of this:

Renting Sucks!

I hate it when the major appliances break! Not only is our dryer now 50 years old and you have to lift the door to make it shut, the drain for the washer got plugged! Somehow a HUGE pile of lint got down the drain and clogged it up. SO: now our clothes sit in 3 inches of water after the half rinse cycle and they smell like dirty clothes. The dryer takes 2 cycles to dry and they don’t even smell clean when you pull them out! I hate renting!